It’s time to meet the 23rd featured author of the SSS! Introducing…Brianna Shrum!
In Brianna Shrum’s romantic comedy HOW TO MAKE OUT, a teen starts an anonymous How-To blog and promises to become an expert on everything she writes about even after the blog and her life begin to spin out of control, forcing her to decide if her glamorous new life is worth giving up everything (and everyone) in her old one, to Nicole Frail at Sky Pony Press by Bree Ogden at D4EO Literary Agency for publication Fall 2016.
HOW TO MAKE OUT (LIKE, ACTUALLY): A CHARACTER GUEST POST
BY DREW CALLOWAY
So apparently Renley—sorry—“SweetLifeCoach” is under the impression that she’s now, like a kissing expert or whatever. Because yeah, making out with one dude once and then bailing does that. Expert level: achieved. My tongue is magical.
Assuming that it’s not? I’m just going to say that maybe she should be waiting to write this particular How-To post until a little more practice has gone down. You know, for science.
I’ll take it from here.
So. How to Make Out. This is what you all came for, right? Gather ‘round, children and I will tell you my ways. From the dawn of time…no? Too much?
Fine. So here are some rules you’re going to want to live by, students.
1. There is such a thing as too much tongue. DID I STUTTER? There is such. A thing. As too much tongue.
2. It’s all about the hands. DO NOT TAKE THIS AND RUN WITH IT. We are hands-in-hair and fingers-on-the-jawline people, people. Got it? Perfect hand placement cannot be underestimated. Even if you completely screw up rule #1, a good rule #2 can cancel it out.
3. No one thinks it’s sweet when you just smash your face into theirs. You wait until you get the go-ahead. You WAIT until you get the GO-AHEAD. This avoids any possible awkward face-turning-at-the-last-second moments, as well as the “Whoa. Nope. Not into you. Can I have your friend’s number?”
4. When making out, an outstanding gum choice can go a long way. (Ace on the green apple by the way, R. A risky maneuver. Green apple is divisive. But it worked.) You don’t want to be spearmint dude or chick. EVERYONE is spearmint dude or chick. Tropical sunrise or nothing. (NOT nothing. If you have nothing, you choose the mint. Spearmint person is doing a whole lot better than I-drank-a-beer-4-hours-ago person.)
5. Finally. Practice makes perfect. Apply the above techniques. Go forth and make out. No one has magic lips on day one, and honestly, whoever you’re making out with is probably too busy worrying about their own face-sucking abilities to worry about yours. So be free. Apply Chap Stick regularly. And worry not.
Hey Renley, how’s this? Good right? Yeah, your boy Seth can suck it. I’m saving this to your drafts.
Brianna Shrum lives in Colorado with her high-school-sweetheart turned husband and her two little boys. She’s been writing since she could scrawl letters, and has worked with teens since she graduated out of teenager-hood, either in the writing classes she taught, or working with the youth group. Brianna digs all things YA, all things geeky, superhero-y, gamery, magical, and strange. Her debut YA, Never Never, released in September of this year. Her second YA, How to Make Out, releases in Fall 2016. She’d totally love to connect with you, so come say hi on her website or Instagram or Twitter!
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